nycdoctor
THAT TAXI RIDE HOME
The Basics
Age:
47
Gender:
Male
Race:
Caucasian
Location:
New York
United States
The Details
Children: None but want some soonSexual Orientation: Straight
About Me
How many times have I sat in Starbucks drinking coffee and watching happy couples come and go, on their way to the park, or a movie, oblivious to how happy and how lucky they have it. I looking around at others, wondering what they have. Have they settled? Have they been truly lucky? Do they still feel an unexplainable sense of longing inside? And do they even recognize it? I wonder why I can't find that kind of happiness and contentment. What's wrong with me? I'm smart, successful, handsome, funny, and strong, and yet...I'm lost. So often I am taking that taxi cab ride home watching the city speed by, after some triumphant moment, or after a party and it is just so empty to have no one to share it with. It makes it even harder when you have had what I would term "true" love before. I had that kind of love although I never took it for granted, I never thought that it seem so elusive but I can't settle for something that doesn't feel like a perfect fit, I can't settle for a dream anymore either. What do I want in my life right now? I want to be in love, and I want to be loved. But obviously not with just anyone...I can't have that. What I want is to look across a crowed room, and not see anyone else other than "her." I want to be excited all the time to be with her, or simply talk. And I want to talk for hours and hours, about everything and nothing. I want to share every thought, dream, feeling and experience. And I want to hear all of her, without "pretending" to care. I want to really care. Do you understand that? I want to "want to" listen. I want to lose sleep and go to work really happy. I want to run away for romantic weekends with no advance plans. I want a phone call in the middle of the night, just because she wants me...I want her love me in a T-shirt and shorts. I want to trust with my whole heart, and be trusted. I want her to understand my moods and feelings, and respect my privacy and solitude when I need it. I don't want to have everything in common with her. I want us to each bring new things to the other to share. I don't expect us to agree on all things, or believe in the same things, but I DO expect to be respected for having my own thoughts and opinions. And I want her to be as passionate about me, as I know I'll be about her. No players or curiosity seekers and workaholic, only those who are normal, long for normal, committed, drama free relationship and eventual marriage need to apply
What I'm Looking For
You will need to fill this in before Tonight I am wondering if there is anyone in the universe who is in a situation similar to mine. I've noticed that when I look around, people seem to be busily making their way through life doing this and that to stay occupied. But are they really happy I wonder? Perhaps they are settled in their ways already. I'm not. I feel unsettled and unsatisfied. The feeling is not about achievements professionally because I've been quite successful. There is no spiritual hole to fill; I have God in my life. I have family and the support that goes with it. I actually have a pretty full life. Still, I miss having a female companion. OK, I'm lonely. Well, a major obstacle for finding a partner is that I'm not interested in dating. In other words, I can't imagine cycling through women after women. It seems pretty brutal on the face of it. And the toll it must take on a person's mind, body and spirit. The motto is AVOIDING the PAIN. My normal daily pattern has not yielded many new contacts or potential friends. I try searching for you everywhere my soulmate. I don't know where you are, but I know you exist. I feel you in my heart and I see you in my dreams. Sometimes I gaze up at the stars, and I feel comforted because I know somewhere you are starring upon the same sparkling stars searching for me, but yet lost in thoughts of me and the life we will someday share, when you find me. Everything and everyone before now will have been a lesson, but demanded, so we could be who we are, it's forever a part of our own story our journey toward finding ourselves and one another, our own private Forever. Trust in me and I will honor your love. I am all you have dreamed I would be and more. I am your destiny. The fairy tale you created and relived in your mind when hurt & pain seemed to envelop you. I was your own private HOPE; it was me who sustained your FAITH, when all else evaded you. I am what you always believed I would be, waiting patiently for you, faithfully someday. I cannot come until you are ready, until you heart is free and you have closed all the chapters that won't allow you to move on. In your soul although hidden, you truly know me. I am the one who has always been standing by your side when things fall apart around you, my eternal promise; you have always felt inside. I am TRUTH. Remember, our love, waiting out of pureness and innocence, with the angel's blessing, out of our dreams, unconditional, eternal, living only in our hearts and a special dream. I sit daydreaming as the sun begins to rise, bringing with it a new beginning. Will today be the day you find me? I came to realize that it's the simple things couples often take for granted that I am missing now. For instance, I miss being hugged, being heard, being looked at and appreciated, being touched, being kissed, and being held for a good long time. I realized that it's the human interaction with or without sex that I miss so much. It seems awful and cruel to have the longing and desire with no resolution in sight. So I complained that I would rather be numb than feel like this. And I can't imagine living the rest of my life like this. It's agonizing and painful. For today, I have more questions than answers. But I have had my say, and I am waiting for a response.
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